A date that only one person goes on or a "Date with yourself"

Date. What does this mean for you? Let me guess your answer: "This is something very personal that happens between two people of the opposite or the same sex." And it scares me, because for us, a date is something very pleasant that can make you forget about your dreams, sweat a lot, get very nervous and so on. This is something exciting and pleasant, which I agree with, although I have never been to such an "event". But what if I told you that you can go on dates with yourself? And not just possible, but even necessary. In the near future, you will be narrated by Vasterion Sommelier or just a guy with dyslexia and dysgraphy.

Chapter One. What is it?

The term self-partner(from the words of the translator), used by Emma Watson, very accurately characterizes the state of self — sufficiency, which should not be confused with loneliness in its negative manifestations-in social or existential (Fr. existentialisme from Latin existentia-existence), also the philosophy of existence is a direction in the philosophy of the XX century, focusing its attention on the uniqueness of human existence. Existentialism developed in parallel with the related trends of personalism and philosophical anthropology, from which it differs, first of all, by the idea of overcoming (rather than revealing) a person's own essence and a great emphasis on the depth of emotional nature.According to the French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, the starting point of existentialism was formulated by one of Dostoevsky's heroes:"if there is no God, then everything is allowed."According to the existential psychologist and psychotherapist R. Mayu, existentialism is not just a philosophical trend, but rather a cultural movement that reflects the deep emotional and spiritual dimension of modern man, depicting the psychological situation in which he finds himself, expressing the unique psychological difficulties that he faces. meaning.

Simply put, it is a search for your identity and attempts to match Social Attitudes. But I want to note that setting yourself "happy together" often threatens a person with great disappointments, depression and other other mental disorders/diseases. According to Christopher Svoder:

Muscovites are more likely to suffer from loneliness than residents of smaller Russian cities.

Nevertheless, Moscow is a city of individualists,

and many people here consciously choose solitude,

focusing on career and self-development.

These were clippings from various websites, research, and interviews. all these conversations made me depressed, because they never told me what kind of date it was. It is from this that I decided to create my own explanation for this phenomenon.

Seeing yourself is when you plunge into the depths of your sick world, which was created by your own mind. This is a great time to get to know yourself better, see yourself, hear your inner desires, and get to know your emotions. This is the time when you try to understand the meaning of your existence, think about what you can give to other people. Which came first, chicken or egg? No, Well, I don't know what's going on in your sick fantasy. Personally, the first thing that came to my mind was: "I want a custard bun. Why should I buy it if I can bake it?»

Sit back, pour some seagulls, and get yourself a cookie. And you can start reading, and also listen, because it is available in the audio version, in my VK group. (I know it was a bad advertisement for my public, they might not have said it)

The second chapter. What for?

Actually, this is a strange question. Why do you go on a date? To get the hormone Defamin. And if we speak in more Russian — the Hormone of joy. Is it clearer this way? But here a little other hormones are already breaking in, namely the hormones distress and eustress. We will analyze them a little later.

That's why, in part, it's worth going on this date. And the second reason is that you can get to know yourself better.

— Hey, uncle, are you crazy? How can I not know myself?! — you will say, but it is not so. You don't know yourself, because someone else's opinion, interests, occupations, and so on are constantly being imposed on you. Your opinion of yourself is a projection of the opinion of others, diluted with a gram of self—admiration and your upbringing. For yourself, you are the embodiment of what other people are talking about. And this date will help you figure out what you really are, what you love and what you "breathe".

During this date, you can fall in love with yourself. And no, it's not in a bad way.

You can: smile, take ridiculous photos, talk to ducks and dream. A date with yourself is an opportunity to immerse yourself in your own world. Get to know yourself better, hear your inner desires, get acquainted with your emotions, see yourself for real. At this time, you stop being a "projection", you become an incredibly attractive person first of all for yourself. From personal experience:

I am a very open person. Alone with myself, I am me, listening to the band "Around the Lamppost", going crazy and so on. I, alone with myself, become myself, I ask you to forgive me for the tautology, such as neither relatives nor friends see me. At this moment I am silent when I don't need words, and I choose what to listen to, what to look at and when to stop, at this moment my whole life depends on my own brain, I can tell myself at the moment: "I want to go to the other end of the city," and I'm going there. For example, I hate singing when someone is looking at me, so I can fully open up, even as a terrible singer, on a deserted street, all alone.

I am such a type that I adore crowded places and small companies of three or four people. And it's incredibly easy for me at home. I can do anything: clean up, cook something, wash something, write a couple of pages of fan fiction. Anything. I give myself to my work very easily. But when I visited the square, at the end of the city in absolute solitude, I realized how important it is, not at home, but outside the home area. Even if everything is gray, dull and dreary. It is important to escape from everyone in order to meet yourself, even if you are loved and expected at home. It's really amazing.

Now, there will be a chapter of boredom, in which I am very poorly versed. So you can safely skip it. And for those who are very interested or understand this topic — please in the comments, bomb.

Hormones

And so, what kind of beast is this? And this is a very important beast that controls us. Let's deal with the most boring — concepts.

Stress (from the English "stress" — tension) is the body's reaction to a new situation to which it is necessary to adapt. And it is neither good nor bad in itself, but it is necessary for survival. This is how the body mobilizes to survive.

Stress has two divisions: Distress and Eustress.

Distress (from the English, distress — "grief", "suffering", "severe malaise", "exhaustion") is the very negative stress that leads to a lot of diseases, such as Depression, burnout, split personality (in rare cases), etc. This reaction is too strong, the so-called "acute distress". Or is it the mobilization of the body that does not end in any way (in reality or in the perception of a person), and the body cannot relax in order to restore strength.

That is, either the situation constantly remains new and negative for a person, the body cannot complete adaptation and relax. Or, thanks to a rich imagination and perceptual peculiarities, a person does not realize that the situation has ended and creates pictures of the negative future and present. And the body takes it at face value and creates such a hormonal background, as if there is a threat in reality and right now. And this kind of stress is accompanied by negative emotions.

And it turns out that the body is constantly in a state of "martial law". The muscles are ready, the cardiovascular system is also, the frontal lobes of the brain are practically "turned off", all forces are directed at survival.

There are even studies that during the experience of this stress, the blood clotting level rises to the level of 8. That is, if a person turns on some horror movie, and he gets very scared, having experienced stress at the same time. And then turn on the romance, his body, moving on these same hormones, will prepare for the worst.

Because, he doesn't know, suddenly, now a maniac will jump out at him and you will lose a couple of limbs. In such a situation, losing extra blood is not the best idea. Do you agree with the dream?

And so, we talked about the bad effects on the body. But what is Eustress?

Eustress (from Greek. eu — "good" or "real") is stress "with a happy ending" when the mobilization of the body ended with a "victory". The body adapted to the new situation and stopped needing mobilization, and relaxed, redirecting resources from the survival reaction to other aspects of life. Such stress is accompanied by positive emotions.

Eustress includes: buying a coveted thing, eating a cake, sports, promotion at work, reading your favorite book, and so on.

All this is stress, but our body reacts to it positively. And it is this stress that appears when we go on a date with ourselves. After all, we are beginning to learn a lot of interesting information about ourselves that can help us.

Chapter three. ???

Many of you, when you go to sleep, there is a "Boom" of thoughts. They break into your head, prevent you from falling asleep, creating insomnia. This is bad, but at the same time it is good. By personal example:

I had a moment in my life for a long time when I couldn't sleep. Couldn't sleep. There were all sorts of thoughts in my head, starting with the future, ending with soft toys that I wanted to buy in the store today, but it didn't happen. It bothered me, very much. And one day, my friend told me about such a thing as a date with himself. I tried one-two-three. And finally, one day, I fell asleep without a single thought. I understood myself better, understood my emotions, my relationships with people close to me became better. and only because I understood myself a little better. My sleep paralysis and nightmares disappeared (though not for long), I began to get enough sleep. It's a masterpiece.

Why, then, did thoughts get into my head and yours. The thing is that the brain creates questions that help solve a particular problem. He indirectly hints at it through questions, dreams, actions, his own speech and emotions. You may not notice it, but the brain will notice. Oh, the scariest thing is that he can predict them.

For example, you have not completed the profit report, or you have not combined income and expense, and left it for later. But the brain knows that this is bad. And it will turn on the nightmare, which, although it will not say exactly what you did wrong, but it will signal that something is wrong. And what is wrong, a date with yourself can help to find out.

After all, during it, the brain will ask the same questions that it asked you before going to bed. It's paradoxical, strange, but very interesting.

Chapter 4. Negative aspects.

Yes, yes, yes… It was impossible to do without this item, do not even hope. The fact is that sometimes this practice can lead to negative effects. After all, instead of realizing your emotions, problems, experiences, a block in emotions and feelings can occur.

And again, from personal experience:

The fact is that, as usual, I went to this action, after a quarrel with people important to me. I've been told a lot, I've said even more, even over the top. And my angry, high-strung, all on pins and needles brain gave out such a picture: "Why am I such a fool, ugly, why do I live at all, where should I go like this, nasty. How did people not beat me up at all." At that moment, my brain had a couple of complexes, which I am still trying to cope with.

Yes, as you will find out later, this is normal. This is all that I was hiding from myself at that time, perhaps even burying it even deeper with positive statements-autosuggestion. But the unpleasant residue remained, and it has not passed for more than six months.

Chapter 5. Results.

And so, let's sum up my monologue. A date with yourself is a time when you get to know more and more new facets about yourself. This is the time when you start to dig into yourself and try (I apologize for the tautology) to get to the inner world. But at the same time, you should not get carried away with it. Yes, as I said earlier, sometimes it's worth giving emotional respite to your psyche, but it shouldn't come too unexpectedly. You have to accustom your brain to these "digs" in yourself.

For example, from the beginning once a week, then after two weeks — two, three, and so on. At first, you should not allocate time every day, because you can break yourself even more.

And Liar Sieru was with you. Thank you all for reading)